Critical Thinking: Boondock Saints 2

Alright, look, just hear me out for a second. I want you to close your eyes, and think back to a time long ago. When you were a kid, what did you want to do more than anything else? What was your dream?

I can't speak for you, but I can say this: I wanted to be badass. I wanted to wear sunglasses and a black coat and somersault through a window, pistols blazing in slow-motion, tearing my enemies to shreds. I wanted to be like that more than anything else... and I think that's what Boondock Saints is all about. It's about raunchy, offensive humor, sure, but it's primarily about new-age cowboys. You could almost say that the Saints follow a sort of chivalrous, knightly code of honor. They won't tolerate the killing of innocents, they demand justice where others are too weak or afraid to tread, and they drink. A lot.

No, they aren't good examples. No, I would never suggest doing any of the things they do. But hot damn, they're just so awesome. That's why I will always love the Boondock Saints movies. Now, on to the part where I actually analyze the film:

Senseless violence, crude humor; senseless violence, crude humor; flashback with Rocco, crude humor, senseless violence. Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. From the beginning, the film comes across as ridiculous, to say the least. We find our two heroes bearded, herding sheep across the plains of Ireland. Really? Well, not for long. A priest back home in Boston was killed, and the murder was set up in an attempt to frame the Saints. Of course, the boys aren't going to let that slide, so they quickly shave their beards and shower (in one of the most pointless displays of nudity I've ever seen in a movie) in preparation for their departure. Oh, and on the way there, they pick up a Mexican guy who's apparently got connections in Boston. Yay plot device!

While this introductory sequence evokes a fair deal of groans, nothing could possibly be worse than Julie Benz' phony Southern accent. It just... bothers me. Benz plays the role of Willem Dafoe's understudy, a bitchy, "independent" female federal agent. Duffy seems incapable of writing for females, but any character would seem grossly inferior compared to Smecker, anyway. Her redeeming performance would have to be her Western-style shoot-em-up scene, in which Benz does some pretty neat tricks with a revolver.

I'll just skip to the meat of the critique: Boondock Saints 2 is pretty much a carbon-copy of the original, with staler jokes and even less of a plot. Every shot was a testosterone-injected parody of every action movie ever made, and even the music was basically lifted and remixed from the original Boondock Saints. And I loved it. Duffy gave the audience what they wanted, and that was Boondock Saints... again. Even the campy, ridiculous title, "All Saint's Day" was an indicator that this movie was, indeed, as sequel, and nothing more. What's more, it's only the second movie in a trilogy.

Oh, did I forget to mention? There's going to be a third one. Trust me, Saints fans, the ending is going to BLOW YOUR MIND.

Boondock Saints 2 is little more than a bridge spanning the first and third movies. The plot is poorly developed, the cinematography isn't groundbreaking or even particularly compelling, and the whole fiasco plays out like a video game, but is that really such a bad thing?

I was laughing and enjoying myself the entire time, even though I knew the movie wasn't that great. I still thought the fight scenes were cool, and I still want to wear those sunglasses. No, this movie isn't going to make you think. No, it doesn't really tackle any major social issues or weave an unforgettable tale. It's just straight-up, concentrated badass awesomeness.

I give the movie a C+. Just go see it. Your inner child will thank you.