Strange Dream... and Spackle Day

You all remember Wall-Washing Day, right? Well, today was the follow up. At times, when trying to yank that darned paper from the wall, little chunks of drywall would come out. Now, your otherwise smooth wall is covered in tiny craters. You can't paint that. So, you pull out a bucket of spackle, and get to work filling in your little mistakes. Once the spackle is dry, you take a rough sponge or a wet cloth and make sure that the spackle is nice and smooth up against the wall. This will probably ruin more than a couple of your spackled spots, so once the walls are dry again, it's time for more spackle. Continue this cycle until you have nice smooth walls. This should take several hours. Oh goody! And when you're all done, it's time to primer the wall! It's like warming up for actually painting the goddamn thing!

That's what took up the better part of my day today. However, last night's bizarre romp through dreamland is what I really want to discuss. Normally, I have pretty crazy dreams, but this really affected me. It started off with my friends and I going to the Museum of Science and Industry. Apparently there's some kind of exhibit there that everyone is really excited about, and we want to check it out. The line is huge for the exhibit, and it's easy to see why: the exhibit is a sort of zombie apocalypse simulator, where you sit down for a short introductory movie, then are given laser tag equipment and sent into a haunted house area where you have to "shoot" fake zombies. This seemed like it was going to be one of the most fucking awesome dreams I've ever had! I was all excited to get in... but while I'm waiting in line, I find a key on the ground. It's solid black, and longer and skinnier than an average key. I didn't think much of it at the time, just put it in my pocket. Anyway, we got to the front of the line, and we watched the little movie (I was kinda scared at this point, so I covered my eyes... in a dream... because the movie that my brain had designed was too scary for me). Afterwards, we got our gear on and started tagging. It was pretty much zombie killing fun... until I got separated from the group. Things got real quiet real fast, so I started calling out. I guess no one heard me, and I started to wonder how big the exhibit was. Just then, I fell through the floor.

It was some kind of trap door I guess, and it led into what appeared to be a basement area. As I recovered from the fall, I realized I wasn't alone in the room. Across from me was a girl, about my age, blond hair, fairly attractive. She wasn't a zombie... but there was something wrong about her. She started attacking me as if she were one of the living corpses, trying to bite me and thrashing around. But she was intelligent; she tried kicking, and I had to try and restrain her. Likewise, she tried to strangle me with her legs. We were stuck in a kind of pretzel on the floor, a stalemate for the time being. At this point, I tried to communicate with her. I don't remember what I said, or what she said, but the point is that she could talk. She did say something about spilling my blood, I remember that pretty clearly. In terms of strength, we were fairly matched, but when it came to speed I was hopelessly outclassed. I could either try and fend her off until someone found me down here, but that didn't seem practical. Since she was clearly out of her mind, there would be no talking my way out of this. I was going to have to kill her.

I didn't think I'd be quick enough to break her neck or strangle her, she would only use that as an opportunity to strike at me. My mind racing, I suddenly remembered the key in my back pocket. It dawned on me that I would have to use the key to kill her. The thought revolted me, but it was my only hope for survival. Drawing my improvised weapon, I began shaking uncontrollably. I had no idea where to start. She laughed at me, and started mocking me. "What, you can't kill a girl?" I was still trembling. I raised the key and started slashing at her throat, but it was too blunt. I was going to have to stab her in the heart if I wanted to live through this. So, lifting the key one last time, I prepared myself for the blow. It was going to have to be fast and hard, to break through her sternum; the key wasn't sharp, but it was pointy, and with enough force I could certainly end her life. So I plunged it into her chest, and she screamed. I threw her down and sprinted to the door. It yielded to my touch, and, running up a flight of stairs, I made my way to freedom.

The rest of the dream is still pretty weird: when I get to the surface, everyone is waiting for me. Following me up the stairs, it turns out the girl not only survived the wound, but she's now perfectly alright... whatever spell that had bound her to the chamber had broken when I shoved the key into her heart. So that was pretty cool, I guess. At least my good ol' brain wrapped the whole thing up in the end.

Still, I was really terrified for a little while about the whole experience of having to kill someone. I'd thought about it before, but I could never have anticipated the terror and revulsion of the ordeal. Even faced with someone I had no connection with, who was trying to murder me, it took me such a long time before I was ready to actually execute that kind of decision. In the dream, the entire fight with the girl took about a half hour. Not because I couldn't figure out what to do, but because I didn't want to kill her.

Anyway, that was one of the most disturbing dreams I've ever had, and I figured I might as well share it with you guys. Sorry about not being funny today... and if you thought that was funny, you're really, really fucked up.

So, instead, of ME being funny, how about YOU tell us about your funniest dream? Shana was a good sport about the last audience participation post, but I'd like to see Connor pitch in this time, too.