My Apple Can't...

1. Record digital sounds from a line-in source, such as a microphone or a synthesizer.

2. Capture DV video from a camera or recording deck.

3. Connect to any type of Firewire device. At all.

4. Support more than two USB devices without severely weakening the data transfer speed.

5. Play DVD's from foreign countries.

6. Connect to a monitor.

7. Be inspected by Best Buy employees or other computer-knowledgeable individuals... if it gets broken, I have no choice but to make an appointment at the Apple store, sit in line for a half hour, and have to re-schedule because I was a few minutes late.

8. Support port upgrades... or new video cards... or sound cards... in fact, I can't customize this piece of shit at all: Apple would sue me.

9. Play video games without a partitioned hard drive and an application that allows a Windows OS to run on an otherwise shitty computer.

10. Let me do what I fucking want to do. I can't make movies with it, I can't record audio with it, I can't play video games with it... it's pretty much only good for Facebook.

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In case you couldn't tell from the "Top 10 Reasons Why I Hate My Computer" list up there, I'm frustrated.

I was given a very peculiar musical instrument for my birthday that I've been messing with for a few days now: it's called a Stylophone. It's basically a synthesizer that's played by tapping a stylus on a metal keyboard with a large amplifying device. It's pretty interesting, actually, and I've gotten fairly decent at playing the thing. I've also learned how to create little chip tune loops with my Gameboy, which compliment the Stylophone nicely. However, I CAN'T RECORD ANY LINE-IN AUDIO WHATSOEVER WITH MY STUPID MAC.

That's right, because of the Macbook Pro's shitty line-in port, the only way I could ever transfer sound from my Stylophone or Gameboy to my computer would be to record it with the built-in microphone.

Eew. No.

Likewise, while my new Sony Professional HVR-A1U camcorder records in glorious 1080i, 30FPS HD footage, there is absolutely no way to transfer footage onto this blasted contraption than to use a different computer to capture the tape, put it onto my external hard drive (the only chunk of computer equipment I own that doesn't seem to suck) and work from there.

Not good.

Anyway, other than my computer troubles, things are pretty okay. Waiting for the jeweler's lens I ordered to arrive... that's going to be nice! Oh, and I found a fantastic new band. It's a Norwegian all-girl gypsy/folk/punk group called Katzenjammer. Trust me, you've just got to hear it to believe it.

So yeah, that's me... but how are you?